Today I literally want to cry.
Right here at my desk.
In front of everyone.
Who knew that a spreadsheet had such power?

Things That are Red

There is something to be said

for things that are red.

Lips and heads and hearts and hair,

Souls that are heavy, skin that is fair,

only when they are red

do they fend off the dead.

The MeMeMe of Addiction

My partner is currently trying to kick her nicotine habit for about the 300th time in the 5 years that we have been coupled. It has me doing some thinking around addiction.

I am an addict too: Food. Internet. Not much else, but do I really need anything else with those two heavy-hitters on my plate?

One of my exes was a sex addict.
Another of my exes was a gambling addict.
Yet another was an alcoholic.
And another was a cokehead.

Perhaps we addicts circle each others orbits until we finally land in that soft warm bed of "I will enable you as long as you enable me" with one another.

One thing I have learned from being with so many addicts and from being an addict myself is that without an INCREDIBLE layer of selfishness, addiction has a hard time surviving. I think back to all of the zombie-like stares over plates of Coke, slot machines, pipes, and bottles and I layer it with my own self-involved satisfaction after chowing down on a plate of macaroni. Extra cheese please.
There is something to be said for the indulgence. The selfish "push eveyrthing in the world aside so I can get my immediate need met" demand for want-need-want-need.

The revolutions between disgust and awe get tighter and tighter depending on how close you are to the situation.

Not because I am a hater of mankind,
But because I am a lover of graceful silence,
I would demand today
that the universe
put a sock in it.

~aw